By Dr. H. Norman Wright
Counselor/ Therapist
What makes the greatest impact on the quality of your marriage and makes your memories a treasure?
H. Norman Wright -
Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him.
Psalm 37:5 (NASB)
Your marriage—a lifetime of memories.
As you approach your marriage, you are beginning the entry to a lifetime of memories.
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Years from now you will be amazed at the memories you have accumulated.
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Not only the quantity of memories is important, but also the quality.
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What will make the difference in the quality of the memories you gather? One simple word—commitment.
“Commitment” is just one simple 10-letter word; but it’s a costly word.
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It can bring peace, maturity and stability, but at the same time it can also bring tension, and sometimes questions as well.
During the 1800s in Hawaii, the government developed a policy to take care of those who were afflicted with leprosy.
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They were sent to the island of Molokai to live their remaining days in isolation. The policy was: out of sight, out of mind.
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The afflicted were allowed, however, to be accompanied by a Kokua—a person who chose to go with them and be with them for the rest of their lives until the leprous person died.
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If the Kokua had not contracted the disease, he or she was then allowed to return home. If leprosy had been contracted, however, the Kokua remained in Molokai until death.
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In James Michener’s book Hawaii, the story is told of a man who noticed a numbness setting into his toes and fingers. In time, he knew what it was.
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One evening after dinner he told his wife and children he had leprosy. His wife looked at him and said, “I will be your Kokua.”
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This is the substance of marital commitment.
What are the commitments you need to make in your marriage?
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As you walk through life, which brings rapid unexpected changes, unfairness, tragedy and unanswered questions, commitment to living by faith will guide you through the journey.
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Commit yourselves as a couple to prayer. No greater intimacy can occur than when you open your hearts to God together. This will enhance your completeness and oneness as well as help put your differences and adjustments into a better perspective. When the lines are open to God, they are invariably open to one another. You cannot be genuinely open to God and closed to your partner.
“When the Holy Spirit controls our lives he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal. 5:22,23, TLB).
Faith, hope and love will grow out of your commitment to one another and to God and His Word.
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Follow this advice and you will gather memories. [H. Norman Wright, Quiet Times for Parents (Eugene, Oreg.: Harvest House Publishers, 1995), September 2, adapted.]
H. Norman Wright is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child Therapist. He was formerly Director of the Graduate Department of Marriage, Family and Child Counseling at Biola University as well as an Associate Professor of Psychology. He has taught graduate school for over twenty-five years at Talbot School of Theology and the Graduate Department of Marriage and Family Counseling at Biola University Dr. Wright is the founder and director of Christian Marriage Enrichment, a national organization designed to train ministers and lay leaders in counseling and enrichment.
Dr. H. Norman Wright is a graduate of Westmont College (B.A. Christian Education), Fuller Theological Seminary (M.R.E.), and Pepperdine University (M.A. in Clinical Psychology) and has received honorary doctorates D.D. and D.Litt. from Western Conservative Baptist Seminary and Biola University respectively. He has pioneered premarital counseling programs throughout the country. Dr. Wright is the author of over 65 books—including the best-selling Always Daddy’s Girl and Quiet Times for Couples. He and his wife, Joyce, have a married daughter, Sheryl, and a son, Matthew, who was profoundly retarded and is now deceased. The Wrights make their home in Southern California.
